Guest Blogger: Ulrike Klenke, PhD: Director, Amgen Scholars Program at NIH, OITE
Part of the “Voices of OITE”
Juggling parental responsibilities while maintaining a scientific career is not an easy thing to do. The pandemic has added many challenges: managing children at home due to school closings or quarantine periods, halts to extracurricular activities, and navigating children's - and our own - emotions around uncertainty and change. At the same time, we are worried about our own careers, the impact of the pandemic on our productivity, and how to keep everything on track.
So, what are we to do? The famous African proverb, “it takes a village to raise a child” is more important today then ever. Asking for help and finding support in the community are essential to be able to raise children, especially for our international trainees. The NIH has many resources to help trainee parents specifically with this. Programs like the Nursing Mothers Program, childcare centers, resource and referral services, lunch and learn seminars, the parenting coach and the NIH parenting listserv, to name a few, are all available to help parents find the support they need. Groups like Mom-Dad-Docs are specifically geared to create community for postdoc parents, to exchange best practices and to support each other when the going gets tough.
However, we need to recognize that self-compassion and self-care are also necessary to deal with our stress and remain patient with our children and at work. We can only bring our full attention to our surroundings and be truly present if our needs are met as well. The OITE offers wellness programs to support trainees with this aspect. Participating in resilience groups and/or wellness skill-building groups will help you lay the foundation to better self-care. Informal wellness activities like mindfulness meditation, journaling, or just chatting with peers at the Thriving Thursday events can be just the thing you need to help with being the resilient parent you want to be. Check for upcoming OITE events on our website.As we are told in airplanes, putting your mask on first is imperative to save your children – you need to take care of yourself to function as a parent.
Finally, give yourself a break. It’s okay to take some time away or let something go undone once in a while. Remind yourself that you are doing your best. Parenting is always hard, and this is a particularly stressful time to be a parent. Try to avoid comparing yourself to others, especially those portraying “perfect parenthood” online. Recognize the negative self-talk that you may be engaging in surrounding your parenting and talk back to that voice. Being kind to yourself will make you a better parent, reducing your stress and helping you be kind to those around you, as well – your children included.
Being a scientist is challenging. Being a parent is stressful. Doing both can feel incredibly difficult at times, but it is possible to do both successfully when we use the resources around us, ask for and accept help, take care of our wellness, and offer ourselves compassion.
