Post Written By: Adeline Kerviel, PhD, Detailee at OITE
Emotions can sometimes interfere with daily life, personal and career goals, or relationships. Developing strategies to help regulate these emotions can help us adapt and grow through setbacks: to make us more resilient.
In “The Field Guide to Emotions,” Dan Newby and Curtis Watkins recommend recognizing and understanding an emotion and learning to listen to that emotion instead of reacting automatically. They highlight that our ability to name an emotion can help us regulate it. Emotional regulation can be divided into three steps: pausing to check that you are correctly interpreting the emotion, appreciating that this first interpretation may not “fit the facts”, and developing the ability to sit with unpleasant emotions.
Some emotions, even unpleasant ones, help us survive. For example, fear in the face of an aggressive lion in attack mode can force us to take action: to fight or flee. But when we experience unpleasant emotions, such as anger, sadness, shame, fear, or guilt, we sometimes act inappropriately instead of pausing to interpret these emotions. For example, sadness may lead to social withdrawal, or anger may lead to becoming defensive.
Here comes “opposite action”: choosing to respond oppositely to what our emotions trigger automatically. Shame activates isolation but taking the opposite action by raising the head and establishing eye contact can move a person through this emotion. The opposite action of disgust, which activates avoidance, can be pushing through. Instead of reacting with anger, showing kindness or concern, walking away from the trigger, or communicating assertively can lead to more productive outcomes.
When unpleasant emotions are felt deeply, it can be difficult to interpret them accurately and decide how to act. To build that new skill and become more resilient, take small steps. Behavioral changes can take time, so try to remain self-compassionate and appreciate every small success along the way.
If you need additional help, support, and guidance, reach out to an OITE Wellness Advisor here: oite-wellness@nih.gov.
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