We all know the feeling of self-doubt. It’s that voice inside us that tells us we’re not quite good enough, not cut out for what’s ahead. None of us like to openly admit it’s there because that would blow our cover of proving our worth. So instead, we let it fester inside us and try to soothe its irritation by engaging strategies that usually look something like:
People pleasing: We do and say things that keep the peace around our coworkers and peers out of fear of rocking the boat or our inadequacies may be exposed.
Perfection: If we do and say everything “perfectly” then no one, including ourselves, can confirm the stirring doubts ringing in our heads.
Disengagement: Self-doubt keeps us from really facing the sources of our insecurities and practical ways we can begin to face those and make much needed adjustments. If we never put ourselves out there or take risks, then the most vulnerable parts of ourselves will never have to be on full display.
Inauthenticity: We begin acting in ways we think others want or need us to and we lose sight of our own values and guiding principles.
Over-working: We think we can outrun our self-doubt, but we’re only fooling ourselves. Unless we face it head on, it will follow us no matter how many accolades or accomplishments we have.
Although these strategies can offer us an illusion of control and sense of self-efficacy moment-to-moment, they are only short-lived. They leave most of us feeling exhausted at the end of every day because they don’t get at the core of what we’re seeking: a sense of competence, feeling valued, and like we belong.
So before jumping into skills of interrupting our self-doubt we first have to understand what it’s protecting us from. Take a moment to reflect on the following:
My self-doubt tends to show up most strongly when…
The people who trigger this in me most are…
What I fear most in these situations is…
The belief I hold about myself in these situations is…
I struggle to feel worthy in these situations because…
One way I try to counter my self-doubt and prove my worth is by…
This serves me by…
But this also has a cost for me and these costs usually entail…
If I could suddenly shift things for me in these situations, I would change…
The parts of this shift that I have control over are…
Take a moment. Just notice how you’re feeling and what’s coming up for you. There might be a lot of emotion present or no emotion at all. Just notice. And let it be. Reflect on where you can have impact (what can you change and control) and where might you need more support to process your struggles with self-doubt? If you find yourself feeling stuck, reach out to an OITE Wellness Advisor. We are here to help: oite-wellness@nih.gov
Or if you are reading this but not at NIH or aren’t ready to reach out, consider these tools to get you started on your process of shifting away from your self-doubt:
- Tamper down unhelpful comparison by practicing turning inward and thinking about how you’ve grown and where you want to go.
- Reconnect with activities and that allow you to practice mastery and people who remind you that you matter.
- Check your inner critic and replace it with your inner scientist by asking yourself: What’s another way of interpreting this? What skill can I cultivate to feel more confident? What do I need to do to pull back and gain accurate perspective in this situation?
- Practice fierce self-compassion by remembering you’re not the only whose have ever felt inadequate or unsure, and you don’t have to stay stuck there. What is it that this moment calls for from you and what do you need to do to show up in way that aligns with your goals and values?
And if you’re ready to dig even a little deeper, you may consider checking out: Get of Your Head and Into Your Life, by Steven Hayes, Ph.D. for more tools to counter your self-judgment and build self-awareness.
