Each person’s mental health exists on a continuum, often fluctuating due to a variety of factors, including but not limited to, the state of our physical health, the stressors we’re navigating, or typical life changes like loss or gain of a relationship, a move, or job change. It’s no surprise then that most of us will experience mental health concerns at some point in our lives. As a result, it’s necessary to begin building awareness and language that empowers us to effectively support a colleague or friend who may be struggling or seek support for ourselves when needed. This post will briefly outline effective strategies to help you prepare for, start, and engage in supportive conversations about our mental health. Then it will close with relevant resources.
I. PREPARING FOR A CONVERSATION: While we cannot predict the outcome of a conversation, we can prepare ourselves for difficult conversations by answering the following:
What is the relational hierarchy and how may that impact comfort level and amount of information shared? You can often effectively share or address concerns without having to disclose all details.
What context and timing is most conducive to this conversation? Ensuring there is adequate privacy and time as well as physical and emotional safety.
What culture influences may be informing your/other’s presentation, communication, and support seeking? Be careful not to make assumptions or judgments and recognize that our culture influences not only how we may communicate but also our internal processing as well as support seeking behaviors and goals. What feels helpful to you may be different from a colleague and that’s okay. There is not one right way to navigate this issue.
What is your goal(s) in having this conversation? When we’re supporting someone, remember that you job is not to “fix” the situation but rather to LISTEN, be present without judgement, and support with resourcing with appropriate. When we’re the one seeking support, is helpful to understand what we hope to get out of the conversation. Do we want to just be heard or do we need help finding resources?
How will you regulate and manage discomfort or distress that may show up while having the conversation? Some people fear saying or doing the wrong thing which can heightened our stress response and discomfort in these conversations. Plan for how you will regulate your own stress response in these situations so that you can truly listen and communicate effectively.
What relevant resources are available to your/your community? See end of post for NIH and community resources.
II. STARTING A CONVERSATION: Knowing how and where to start is sometimes the biggest barrier in having important conversations about our mental health and wellbeing.
Open with nonjudgmental observations and open-ended questions when approaching someone about whom you’re concerned. Keep this succinct and remind them, especially if you notice a shift at work, that you care about their overall wellbeing, not just their productivity. “I have noticed you have (fill in with behavioral observation) lately and I am concerned. I care about your and am here to listen if you’d like. What has been going on?”
Consider using “DEAR” statement to communicate concerns and/or needs.
D – Describe your concern(s). This is an objective/fact-based reflection of what is going.
E – Express how this impacts you emotionally, behaviorally, cognitively, relationally by providing concrete examples. This is subjective expression/experience-based.
A – Ask for what you need. And if you’re not sure, that is okay. You can simply ask for someone to listen without judgment. Or if you’re communicating a concern, ask how you can support the person.
R – Revisit the conversation. You don’t have to have it all figured out in this moment. Simply starting the conversation is important!
III. ENGAGING IN A CONVERSATION:
Actively listen. Demonstrate you’re listening through body language, like head nods, as well as verbal expressions of understanding, such as prompting (ex: help me understand how this impacts you specifically, tell me more…), summarizing what’s being communicated, and asking clarifying questions when needed. Avoid jumping to problem solving or minimizing struggle in effort to rid yourself and others of discomfort you may feel in the moment.
Empower the person to seek resources that match their needs, preferences, and culture. Be patient and supportive through the change process as it doesn’t usually happen as quickly as we’d like. Continue to follow up and check-in after the initial conversation.
Regulate your own internal response. It’s okay if you sense yourself feeling some discomfort during a difficult conversation, but it’s important that you manage your internal distress so that you can remain present. Simple strategies like grounding or deep breathing can help regulate our stress response in these moments so we can remain fully present and engaged.
Our mental health is a key component of our overall wellbeing, and much like tending to our physical health, it requires on-going attention and care for all of us. Please reach out to OITE at OITE-wellness@nih.gov if you have questions or need support.
IV. RESOURCES
NIH Resources:
- Office of Intramural Education (OITE): oite-wellness@nih.gov
- Employee Assistance Program (EAP): 301-496-3164
- Civil: 301-402-4845
- Office of the Ombudsman: 301-594-7231
- Occupational Medical Service (OMS): 301-496-4411
- Talkspace therapy and psychiatry (for trainees that participate in FAES health insurance)
- Connecting with Community: https://www.training.nih.gov/you_are_not_alone
Community Resources: Available 24 hours/day, 7 day/week, 365 days/year
- National Suicide Hotline: 988
- Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860
- Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/
- Veterans Crisis hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Therapy Resources:
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
- https://www.goodtherapy.org/
- https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/
- https://openpathcollective.org/
- https://www.betterhelp.com/
