Post written by guest blogger Angie Snyder, PsyD, OITE Wellness Advisor
Last week, we wrote about the purpose of one's inner dialogue and we encouraged you to journal for a week to catch your own thoughts.
Shift to a Compassionate Critic
When we think of taming the inner critic, it can be helpful to look at the definitions of a critic. There are two definitions of criticism with different connotations:
1. A person who indulges in fault-finding & censure, and
2. A person skilled in forming opinions and giving judgements. Examples include a literary critic, a movie critic, or a music critic who acts as a guide to help determine what is of value and what needs to be changed.
It is likely that when your inner critic is speaking up, the angle is more aligned with the first definition – that of someone who is finding fault, censuring, or acting from a place of fear or negativity. Consider shifting your inner critic to one that is more like a coach – someone who is thinking critically, but in a compassionate and supportive way, to give constructive feedback about what you’ve done well and where you can make improvement. This approach can lead you to having a healthier, kinder relationship with yourself that is also realistic and conducive to growth and learning.
You may need to practice how to speak to yourself in these kinder, yet still constructive ways. The following steps can be helpful in doing so:
- Look at what you wrote in your journal that your inner critic said to you throughout the week.
- Ask yourself – is this really true? What evidence might you find to the contrary. For example, if your inner critic said, “You are stupid,” or similar comments throughout the week, take time to write down what you have done in your life that demonstrates the contrary (ie., you graduated with a bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree, perhaps even a doctorate. You know how to speak two or more languages, you are good with numbers, etc.)
- Consider if there is some useful information in the critique of yourself that you can better access when you remove the disparaging comments. Perhaps it’s true that you have a skill that needs some practice or further study. You can make a note of that in your journal and consider how and when you’ll work to make this progress.
- If you’re having a difficult time speaking kindly to yourself, think about how you’d rephrase the statement if you were speaking to a close friend or a child for whom you wish to provide guidance or to encourage learning or support.
- Create sticky notes with more empowering affirmations, and post them in places you will see them each day.
Like any change, persistence, consistency and patience are often required. Continue to pay attention to the voice in your mind, catch it when it’s being harsh, and gently shift it to be more supportive, caring and encouraging in tone and words.
