Self-worth is an essential component of our well-being. The American Psychological
Association (APA) defines self-worth as “your evaluation of yourself as a capable and valuable
human being deserving of consideration and respect. It is an internal sense of being worthy of
love”. Self-worth is valuing yourself and the unique qualities that define who you are. It is an
internal feeling of worth and not to be based on external validation. When we intrinsically feel
we are worthy, our self-image and self-esteem aren’t dependent on other people’s perceptions;
in fact, we are able to have healthier relationships because we don’t require the validation from
another to feel good about ourselves. When we have high self-worth, we are more resilient; we
have internal protections from rejection and failure; and we are less vulnerable to anxiety.
While self-worth is your overall feeling of worthiness, self-confidence is feeling competent in
specific areas of your life. You can have high self-worth and feel less confident in a specific
domain (work, relationships, hobbies, etc.) therefore it’s not necessary to feel confident in all
domains of your life to have a positive self-worth.
Our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are often a direct result of our self-worth. For example, if
you continually internally judge yourself harshly, this may be an indicator for more self reflection
around your feelings of worth. Another example is if you push positive relationships
away, you may not feel worthy of a healthy relationship. The good news is we can develop new
mental habits that create new neural pathways and alter our self-worth. Psychologist, Rick
Hanson calls this intentional adaptation of positive mental habits as “self-directed
neuroplasticity.” Below are some skills, that if practiced regularly, can boost your self-worth.
- Challenge your inner critic: The first step in building self-worth is awareness of your
thoughts and challenging your inner critic. Negative thoughts reinforce low self-worth.
However, metacognition, or the capacity to be aware of your thoughts, can be difficult.
Often it is helpful to notice how you are feeling or behaving and investigate the
thoughts that preceded the feeling or behavior. If you observe a negative inner
dialogue, this is an opportunity to ask yourself “is this thought true?”. We often believe
whatever our thoughts are telling us without challenging them. You can also practice
saying, “My thoughts are not who I am.” Once you are in tune with your thoughts you
can talk to yourself as a compassionate coach would, one who wants you to be the best
version of you. You can read more about taming your inner critic from the OITE blog
here and here. - Self-compassion: Self-compassion is the ability to comfort yourself, to be kind to
yourself, and to treat yourself with the same compassion that you would offer to others
during a difficult time. Self-compassion comes from self-reflection, recognizing those
times when you are being hard on yourself, and then choosing to be kind. A tool that
can help you practice self-compassion is to stop yourself when you are being self flagellating
and ask, “what would I say to a child going through the same thing?” and
speak to yourself with that same compassion. It does not mean to dismiss faults or
mistakes but to recognize that you are human and if you make a mistake or experience
rejection, you are still a good person who is worthy of love, especially love from
yourself.
Self-compassion is also the care you give yourself. When you are taking care of yourself,
you are doing so because you are worth this care. Daily healthy habits such as exercise,
eating healthfully, setting healthy boundaries, creating a sleep hygiene routine, self-care
behaviors, etc. are all ways that you tell yourself “You are important”. You don’t have to
practice these behaviors all at once but try to incorporate at least one self-care routine
daily at first and add in others over time. - Focus on strengths/gratitude/acceptance: If you are experiencing negative self-worth,
highlighting your strengths, can shift your mindset from a negative self-image to a more
holistic image with strengths and challenges. A tool that can boost your self-worth is
to write out specific domains in your life that are meaningful to you and list your
strengths within that domain. These strengths are not based on accomplishments, such
as good grades or outcome oriented, but rather your unique traits in that area. An
example of this may look like:
Work: I am on-time, I am dedicated, I can write concisely and informatively, I am
supportive of my colleagues, I am collaborative, I follow-up when needed, I ask for help,
etc. Relationships: I am a good listener, I am supportive and caring, I reach out and
check in often, I accept responsibility for my actions, etc.
If you do this for all meaningful areas in your life, you can review these strengths when
needed. Allow yourself to feel grateful for these strengths. “I am grateful that I ask for
help when I need it. By asking for help I am demonstrating that I want to learn and
increase my ability to do my job more efficiently”. Appreciation for your strengths over
time can build your self-worth. - Engage in activities that align with your values: Values are our internal compasses; our
deep-rooted beliefs about what is important to us. When you align your activities to
your values, you are naturally building your self-worth because you are being authentic
to your core beliefs. For example, if you value helping others and engage in helping
activities, this has a positive effect on how you feel about yourself. Taking inventory of
your values can help inform this practice. Make a list of your values and brainstorm
ways to you can actively engage in behaviors or activities that align with that value.
Cultivating self-worth is a practice and changes may take time, but remember you are worth it.
